Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.....

UGH! why can't I do anything right, I had made a decision and I decided to hang out with Damon and like an idiot I fell into the old trap of loving him. I don't know what to do but here I am living with the same mistakes. Maybe one day I will have the willpower to back away from a bad situation but I guess that day is not today, lets just hope this never escalates otherwise I will be fucked. I still want Damon but I don't want to be used, I feel like I trust him so much and to him I'm just this lying bitch and I stupidly let him walk all over me :( I quit....

Living in Love

Is someone like me even allowed to be sick of men? I tried too hard and I learned more than once that love hurts and that there is nothing you can do about it. It's sad that so many people in this world hurt one another and then expect to be treated with respect what's even worse is when the people who do try to do the right thing the people who have been hurt but push on suffer for the failings of others. Still we press on not just for us but because we know that one day we will find another soul who has been hurt, beaten, and defeated and that is the moment when two lost hearts find one another and complete each other until then those souls, those hearts need to push on and persevere until the world leads them to their one.

I quit

GOD I hate my life and everything about it I hate the day that I decided being alone was not good enough.... Why did I have to get friends now all I have is extra responsibility and disappointment. Now if I want to kill myself I have to think of others FUCK why did I bother changing I shoulda stuck to being the quiet, depressed, loser in the corner. The only difference now is the quiet & sometimes the corner but seriously if I didn't have anyone but family to worry about I'd be gone already saving myself a shit ton of energy stress and strife!!!! What am I going to do? Sadly I love all the people I involve myself with also sad is that I can't stand another second of this crap my whole life is a circle of stress, disappointment, depression insomnia, self hatred, others hatred for me, faking, lies, failure, misery, (the only thing missing is death) jeez I don't know how much longer I am willing to keep this up :,( it's not worth it. Much longer and I will kill myself, without a doubt.

Happy Anniversary

Thursday January 27th 2011 is my one year anniversary but Anthony works, so I figured no big deal we will just have to spend time together on Sunday or whatever day he has off closest to the date. He had this last Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday off but his computer broke on Sunday so we haven't been able to spend any time together and it's driving me insane because I intend to spend the rest of my life with him but I feel like we are drifting apart. I don't know what I should do because I know I love him but its killing me that we always have difficulties spending time together either one of us is busy or we just aren't talking which I guess is nice because it shows how comfortable we are with each other hough it would be nice to have a conversation with him more than once every 5 times we "talk" ugh this is just horrible.